Friday, July 19, 2013

This is Why I Always Listen to My Gut

     Since my husband is taking a couple weeks off work right now we have been gallivanting around doing some of our favorite things. So, mostly eating. Yesterday we spent the day at Barnes & Noble, where I read half of the new David Sedaris book. I did not get to the diabetic Owls yet. No spoilers, please.

     First, though, we went to Outback Steakhouse. We shared an obscene blue cheese wedge salad. Those are amazing, and honestly, it was the happiest part of my meal. While we were noshing on bread, my husband got this:
     A mini milkshake,chocolate. Guess what? It is the best chocolate milkshake either of us has ever tasted! I'm not a milkshake fan because they always give me an upset stomach. But this was beyond amazing. It's made with Bluebell ice cream, which is, I suspect, also the reason it did not upset my stomach. Lots of places make milkshakes with something other than ice cream. If you want to taste the be-all end-all of chocolate milkshakes get thee to an Outback Steakhouse this summer!

     They are small, and I actually asked them to bring a second one. My husband loooooves milkshakes! After we ate, our server and the manager were talking with us about the banana pudding milkshake so we tried it, too. Oh my gosh! It tastes exactly like the whole banana pudding with vanilla wafers dessert!  Eventually, our table looked like this:

And then I ate the vanilla wafer.     
Don't be sad. This little army lives on in our hearts and minds forever. 

     We headed across the street to Barnes & Noble. I grabbed the new D. Sedaris book and found a seat. Not the soft comfy seat I used to be able to find at a Barnes & Noble, sadly. I sat in a hard wooden chair for an hour or two, then headed down to the cafe. Now, this B&N cafe has turned into a bizarre bazaar. There's just nothing like it anywhere else in my world. Yesterday the thing I could not stop obsessing about was this. As you can see, I felt it was billboard worthy:

     Oh yes she did! She took off her shoes and put her feet up on a chair in the cafe. As if to say: "Oh, nothing, just lounging around with my feet up doing paperwork." The truth is I felt a little angry because it is what I wanted to be doing all along, but did not let myself. You remember when you were a kid and your friend would do something and get away with it, for like an hour? And then you did it? And after .39 of a second your parents would be all over it? Yeah. That's how this made me feel. 

     Finally we left, and my senses told me that there is no fairness in the world. It was hot, and muggy, and we still had kids at home. To drive places, feed, nag, you know - the whole nine yards. We stopped by the grocery store and got 'a couple of things'. Which loosely translates into a hundred dollars worth of crap. 

     Of course our local store has, no word of a lie, at least ten open self checkouts and two actual cashiers. This is always how it is. So I do self checkout. Everything was going swimmingly until the dang red apples. This may have been partly my fault, because I kept picking up one apple to get the four digit code, and then it would start to weigh the apples as I was putting that apple back in the bag and it would get confused. Finally, as the last item of the transaction, I was able to pull it off! Or so I thought.

      I scanned my coupon, scanned my payment card, pressed 'finish and pay' and I got this blue screen which would beep at me every few seconds telling me help was on the way. Lying blue screen. Help was nowhere around. After a couple of minutes (which felt like an hour, stranded there with no ability to help myself) help arrived. Help told me I had not paid for my gala apples. I told her I had, see? She said I paid for granny smith and macintosh, but no gala. I explained that I only had one bag of red apples and one bag of green. After a thorough inspection of our cart she agreed and fixed the problem. I guess I look exactly like the type of person who will try to scam Giant Eagle out of four red apples. You've been warned.

     We left the store for the heat and humidity. I pulled out the keys and started opening the tailgate as we made our way to the van. Oh! I forgot my receipt. But it's hot. And who needs a grocery receipt, right? So I decided to forget it. Then something nagged at me. I did not know why, but my gut was screaming at me to go back and get it. So I did. Because, and this is the only reason: I learned years ago to always, always, always listen to my gut.  

     I went back into the store. The lady who helped me was standing in front. I told her I forgot my receipt, but now I couldn't remember which lane I was on. I started checking machines for a dangling strip of paper, with no luck. She walked to my machine and simply said:

"You didn't pay."

     Embarrassed, I paid, got my receipt, and left. What would have happened if I decided to go home without the receipt? Would I have ended up on the local police facebook page? The one where they post pictures of people shoplifting and ask you to call if you know who they are? Or would they have just used my frequent shopper card to look up my address and send the police to my house? Or called security when I next scanned my card? 

     The moral of the story is: Listen to your mother. Keep your feet off the furniture and listen to your gut.

*Anyone who knows me well knows I would never steal from the grocery store. I have always said it would take a bank or casino job. My integrity does not go cheap.

P.S. Someone told me she was unable to comment on my blog. If anyone else is having that problem, would you please let me know? Maybe send me an email tammigirl at gmail dot com or tweet @tammigirl  or tell me on facebook? I would really appreciate it.


  1. I'm commenting! I hope it's working! Milkshakes upset my stomach a bit too. I don't know why because I have no problems with milk or ice cream. Maybe it's just too much at once. I'd love to have milkshakes with you! Bluebell, of course.

    1. Hooray! Most places use some other thing for milkshakes - cheaper than ice cream. Ice cream and milk don't bother my stomach either. But most milkshakes do. Steak and Shake will do real ice cream, but you have to ask them.

  2. I find that sometimes blogs are fussy about what browsers are being used. From time to time, Chrome does not let people comment on mine!
    And I agree - always listen to your gut. Every time I've ignored mine I've paid for it!
    And oh, those milkshakes!

  3. I am not an Outback fan because if I am going to go pay $30-50 for chow I want to do it in a locally owned place BUT my wife loves Outback. I just may have to surprise her and take her so I can try this coveted milk shake.