30 Days Of Truth - Day 1: Something I Hate About Myself

      I found this list at Hope. Dies. Last.

     Something I hate about myself is I am easily irritated. Super easily. Way, way, wayyyyy too easily. I even irritate myself. As I typed the last sentence someone did a half-yawn-half-gasp next to me and that irritated me too. I become irritated when people refuse to cooperate, when I can't do something well, when I don't understand something. I become irritated when someone else can not understand something. I spend a lot of time feeling irritated and it irritates me that I don't know how to overcome it. 

     So there, something I hate about myself: I'm irritable.

Happy Endings

Suck: You are snuggled warm in bed and your husband wants you to go out into the 26 degrees bitter cold air with him.

Rock: Your husband wants to take you to dinner and a movie.

p.s. I highly recommend "The King's Speech."

3 in 30 - Week One

It's been  a week full of January already and my 3 in 30 goals, as I discussed here,  were:

To do a purge of the house.

To get the spare room in order.

To start moving with the Wii Fit or the XBox Kinect.

So far I have started to get the spare room in order, which has also started the purge. Baby steps. That's what I am taking. I haven't done any butt-moving with the Wii or Xbox, but I have shoveled the walk and driveway and done a little walking. 

So there's the first week. It's about what I expected, to be honest. I usually procrastinate.

Something New To Do!

Something new! If you click on the button and go to My Likes you will be able to earn money on facebook and twitter. According to them the average is $50 a month. Who would not want an extra $600 a year? I know I would! And this one is special because you earn money telling what you like. You aren't pushed into liking anything. As a matter of fact you can enter anything you like and it searches for you and lets you like exactly what you meant to like. I feel it's only fair to tell you if you click on the button or the link here I will get credit for referring you. Since I have over 1300 twitter followers someone just made a whopping $4 on me singing up through her link. Pretty cool for just sharing information, which is pretty much what we bloggers like to do anyway.

Have at it kids!

Just Me Being Me

Thursday night was my daughter's birthday. Happy Birthday Allison! Nine of us had dinner and a very unexpected show.

Who wants to take me to dinner? Just sign up right here!

Wait! Dinner. Suprise Show?

     Our Thursday night was unusual. My daughter wanted to go to The Cheesecake Factory for her birthday. Sounds good to me! Of course there isn't one near the house. It takes around an hour to get there. I called to make reservations for our party of nine, but they only take reservations up to five o'clock. No, I wasn't calling after that time. They don't make evening reservations. Odd, no? Okay, so we go and wait. No big deal. Everyone else can walk around while I entertain myself watching people. Most of us ended up waiting in the restaurant. Half of Cleveland was there that night.

     Once our hour and a half wait was over we went to our table and got comfy. We perused the 20+ page menus. We ordered beverages and realized our server was just a lot sassy. We like her! We were feeling quite celebratory that night. It was Allison's birthday, and her boy Michael joined us. Crystal's boy Alex joined us as well. They each added so much fun to the evening. This is an exciting time for each of them. Michael was on the Akron Zips soccer team. They just won the NCAA Division 1 championship. He got signed to go play major league soccer. He leaves soon for the combine, and then the draft. Alex just graduated college with his engineering degree. His internship with the company he loves turned into a full-on job with benefits and stuff. We are all so happy for both of them.

     While we were waiting for our food a man at the next table started playing with is utensils. Musically. It was cooler than ice cream! He did it a few times. I got my son Michael (yes, two Michaels) to capture some with his new camera. We noticed the people at the table were all leaning in just mesmerized by this old man. We started trying to guess who he was. Two of the guys said "Indiana Jones." (It was the hat) I said we might be sitting right next to Leonard Cohen's drummer or something and not even know it. Alex was all "Leonard Cohen has a drummer?" (For this he gets wise-guy points, redeemable at any family function for cupcakes) Maybe also a kick under the table, who knows?

      We all gobbled up our scrumptious appetizers, entrees, and desserts and were still paying attention to this man. He was too interesting. I announced that I was going to have to meet him. My husband got up went to the wash room. I started to wish I had not said I was going to do it and just done it instead. Now the family is encouraging me in a "We can make fun of you for this forever, if you'll just do it" kind of way. I somehow managed to involve our server. I might have asked her if they paid by credit card and if it was his card and could she find out his name. Or something. She came back with no information but offered to approach them.


     She approached the table. I could not hear exactly what she said but they all looked over. Of course I smiled and waved and looked at the old man in the Indiana Jones hat and said "Are you famous? Because you should be famous!" The lady next to him turned to him and asked "Did you hear what she said?!" Then she repeated it to him. They laughed. I went over and sat next to him and he held my hand and did not let go. I told him his dinner companions were all looking at him as if he was a hot fudge sundae and hanging on his every word so he had to be an amazing man. Still a death grip on my hand. (Forget about how I molested Ray Bradbury, right?) We had our nice little chat. He told me he interviews people. His words: like an international Larry King.

     Back at my own table we were chatting and the family was no doubt thinking they can't take me anywhere. The man and his group stop by on the way out the door. His friend leaned down and told me that while he himself is really a nobody, the other man is indeed famous. "Look up Marty Conn when you get home", he tells me. "I think You'll be surprised." I informed him that I am also a nobody.

     Since we are nothing if not technologically overindulged, we looked him up on the way home. Yeah, he's just a little bit interesting.

Two pieces of Marty trivia:
He was the last person to interview Bob Hope.
He helped launch the careers of Jay Leno and Barbara Streisand.

*Me with Marty. The photo is fine, I am a blurry person. Also, the camera adds 50 pounds.

The moral of the story is I am always right If I say you should be famous, you should!

     Now I wonder if Alex and Michael will ever been seen with us in public again?

Something New

I am joining together with some other people to do "3 in 30" for the year. I'll be setting myself up at the start of each month with three goals for the month. So here I go. Three goals for January. This is difficult because part of me feels like goals are only there to taunt me. The other part of me feels like three is nowhere near enough because I'm lacking in so many ways. Three it is, anyway.

The first one is easy: I will do a HUGE purge of the house. We will throw away some, and give away lots more. This includes taking it to the drop off locations.

The second thing for January is not easy. I want to get the spare room in order. Right now it has turned into the thing I swore it wouldn't: A drop off/shove it in there room for everything without a proper place. It is going to be a usable guest room at minimum.

The third thing for January is that I am going to start moving my butt again. I have to do it soon or I'm afraid I'll get to the point where I can not move my butt. This would not be good. I am not sure if it will be Wii Fit, Xbox, yoga dvds, or what. All I know is that I need to start moving again. I don't drink or smoke and I never have. There is no reason I should be huffing and puffing after some stairs.

There you have it! My January goals. Notice there isn't a goal about getting the house perfect in the first five days and keeping it that way all month. No, I'm being realistic. I want to do the work, and an unattainable goal means I will not do it.

Wish me luck.

The Last Day of 2010

Let's just say you were not my favorite year. As a matter of fact, I hope there is never another one like you.

This year is so different because I am more aware than ever of how blessed I am. But it came at a price. The price was way too high. I never agreed to pay it, but I paid it all the same.

A year ago today I woke up sobbing, and throughout the year there have been so many tears. Life has been bittersweet, when it decided to be sweet. Some of the year was just bitter.

Yesterday we had a prayer service for healing. It was the anniversary of Victoria's death. In some ways it was harder yesterday than a year ago because reality has had a year to dig deep holes in our hearts. Shock has turned into despair and bitterness and a very painful feeling of being lost.

While new people we are thankful for have entered our lives I find myself afraid to love them deeply. Afraid to become hopeful for the future. Afraid of loss. Bitter. Angry. Sad. Out of energy, out of my mind, out of nearly everything. Except I know there is this glimmer of hope. It is always out there, off in the distance. The idea of falling for it is a bit much for now.

Thank God I have:

A husband more wonderful than I could ever deserve.

Children who, despite my multitude of parental failings have the hearts, minds, and bodies to do anything they want in life.

A lovely mother who sets a wonderful example to all of us just around the corner.

Two loving grandparents who are staying around for all of us.

An extended family full of golden, wonderful people.

Children by proxy. (Friends of my children) Such a wonderful addition to my life.

My little dog. I never thought I would be one of those people who would include a dog in a list like this. I am!

Friends. I am in awe at the amazing people who I get to call friend.

I am absolutely ready to claim this new year!

Christmas Passed

I made it through Christmas! I mean it, I really did!

Christmas Eve I got up while everyone else was still asleep and made a few batches of hot fudge sauce to give out to my family. I hope they all enjoy it. It was tasty and delicious, I think. I had my moments, at the kitchen sink, crying the ugly cry. It was okay because there was so much other stuff going on in the house they were my solitary moments. Sometimes you just have to let it go and be left alone, you know?

I managed to score a great gift for my mother. She was the easiest one this year because I knew for months what to get her: A blu-ray player with wireless and Netflix, Pandora, and all sorts of groovy junk like that. No more watching Netflix on the computer. I know mom is a multi-tasker like me, so having a movie or show take over the laptop is not fun.

I ended up letting the kids select a lot of their gifts. They got exactly what they wanted and I got to give them the right gifts. This makes me happier than anything else. Surprises are wonderful - when they are wonderful. But better than a so-so surprise is truly making people happy. Every year I remind myself that it may be the last year before everything changes. At some point kids will get married, move, etc. I hope they all stay close, but I don't count on it. I taught them to go, unafraid, to new places. I gave them those blasted wings!

On Thursday we are all gathering together for a prayer service for healing. Please send us all your prayers, good vibes, happy thoughts, etc. We will appreciate them.

Beverly Hills Never Looked So Bad: Housewives

So, Housewives of Beverly Hills, anyone? I haven't watched most of these 'Housewives' shows, but I did catch some Orange County and some New York.

The contender for phoniest person to date has to go to the wife of Frasier. Dude, seriously? Couldn't you find anyone more shallow? I don't usually dislike public figures, but this woman doesn't seem to have an authentic bone in her body - unless she's being catty. Better yet, she's the most authentic I have seen her when her psycho psychic friend is being catty. That's when she really seems the happiest of her season. Wow. I can't recall seeing a less human person portrayed anywhere else before. Is it just me? 

Shoveling Sunshine

Jo Schaffer from Shoveling in a Jo Storm  presented me with the Sunshine Award. Thanks Jo!

Now, I do not mean to sound ungrateful in any way. As a matter of fact, I'm more curious about how my little blog, which I assume about three people might see every month, could get an award at all. I was fairly certain those people were here quite by accident, and stayed only long enough to hit the escape button. Since I haven't filled you in on any of my embarrassing stories lately, what is there to come and see?

Not to worry, there has been embarrassment aplenty! A couple examples:

1. The other day I was in the living room with my college aged daughters. I was in my pajamas, and was not wearing socks. I see my daughters give each other one of those looks. You know, the look which makes you positive people are communicating something (about you) right in front of you. Crystal looked at me and her eyes got wide. Allison looked down and solemnly said "I'm not sure what to think." Oh! That! I hadn't shaved my legs.

2. The other month (almost a year ago now) I got to the house with a van full of Zachary's friends and we were all around the door removing our shoes and boots. I lost my balance, as I am prone to do, and grabbed the wall. Except it wasn't the wall. It was the derriere of one of Zachary's friends. Yes, mom of the year, right here. Very embarrassing. You know teenage boys never bring up stuff like that again to embarrass you. Oh wait! Yes, yes they do.

There is more. So, so much more. But you know, I need to leave some of the stories for my kids(and their friends, apparently) to tell to their therapists.

Thanks again, Jo!

A Night At The Movies - Closed

I don't know about your family, but in ours we watch a lot of movies. We watch most of them at home thanks to Netflix, Amazon, Redbox, and the local public library. Going out to the movies is something we  do a lot less, because it costs a lot more. General Mills not only makes cereals everyone loves, but they want to send everyone to the movies, too! Isn't that great?

FedEx just dropped off a box for me with a box of Honey Nut Cheeries, a box of Reesse's Puffs, and four movie cash certificates. (The movie cash certificates are worth up to $12 each) Once I go online and enter the codes in the two boxes of cereal that's -count 'em- five movie certificates for us!

The fun doesn't stop here. You can get a box in the mail just like I did, with two boxes of cereal and four movie cash certificates. All you have to do is enter to win.

Right now you can receive a free movie ticket when you purchase two specially marked packages of Big G cereals including Honey Nut Cheerios® (17 oz.), Cinnamon Toast Crunch® (17 oz.), Lucky Charms® (16 oz.), Trix® (14.8 oz) and Reese’s Puffs® cereal (18 oz.).

After purchasing two participating cereals, visit generalmills.com/moviecash to enter the unique code found inside each box of cereal and print your free Movie Cash certificate (good for one admission of up to a $12 value at participating theatres). To find a participating theater in your area, log onto http://emoviecash.com/dis_locator/.

 Now on to the giveaway:

Anyone in the good old U.S.A. can enter. Unless you live in my house with me. (Then nose goes.)

First Entry:  Tell me who you will take to the movies &/or which cereals you are looking forward to eating to earn movie tickets. 

Extra Entries:

Follow me on twitter - 1 entry

Follow with google friend connect - 1 entry

Leave a relevant comment on any other post on my blog and let me know which post - 1 entry (unlimited)

Follow my other blogs with google friend connect - 1 entry per blog

Subscribe to this blog via email or reader - 1 entry each

Share on facebook  - 1 entry

Subscribe to my any of my other blogs via email or reader - 1 entry per subscription

Blog about this giveaway - 5 entries

Send me cookies - 100 entries (just kidding... or am I?)

You can always earn up to 2 daily entries by tweeting up to twice a day. Here is one you can use:

Giveaway: Go win 5 movie tickets and cereal from http://ifyoucouldseewhatisee.blogspot.com/2010/12/night-at-movies.html & #myblogspark

Add this Giveaway to a Sweepstakes site, Mr. Linky, your giveaway list etc. Leave the link!! (2 entries per submission - unlimited!)


Fave this blog on technorati - 1 entry

There are buttons at the bottom of the post to make sharing simple. Feel free to use any/all of them for your entries.

*If you digg, stumble, kirtsy, share on a message board, email friends, or whatever else please let me know what you did, leave a link if you can  and take another entry.

*Please be certain to claim each entry by leaving one comment per entry earned.

* You can find my other blogs listed across the top 

I will draw a winner on December 15th. Winner will be notified by email.


*General Mills provided me with the information, movie cash, and two boxes of cereal through My Blog Spark. They will also be providing the winner with movie cash and two boxes of cereal.

The Ugly Truth

     As Thanksgiving approached this year I found myself wanting. Not for a single thing, but wanting all the same.

     My pain is eleven months old today, so thanksgiving wasn't full of that all-consuming can't-eat-can't-sleep-I-want-to-wake-up-from-this-dream-right-now-please heavy feeling. It was a normal Thanksgiving on the outside. Even on the inside for me it was a fairly normal Thanksgiving. I didn't eat a single bite of any dessert, but other than that, normal.

     Leading up to Thanksgiving was another story. I was reading blogs and entering giveaways on blogs and everywhere people wanted an answer to the question "What are you thankful for this year?" What the heck, world? Why did that question make me vacillate between bitterness and tears? 

     I try so hard to go out into the world every day and make up for what it is missing with that sweetest of beautiful girls gone. I smile at people everywhere I go. I am even more extra-nice to people everywhere I go whether it's shopping or driving or hauling kids or whatever. There's a big void to fill and I feel an absolute duty to do it because I am so blessed to have known Victoria.

     I still feel bitterness creeping around me. Me alone. Me, all by myself and mad - so mad. And I feel guilty about it because I know it isn't how I should  feel. Except should can really bite me right now because things are not as they should be.

     I'm not the only one and I know it. There are handfuls of us still carrying around the sometimes-empty spot which used to be so full. Of course there are moments of rejoicing over great memories. But they do not totally fill up the empty spot for me. Do any of you ever feel bitter and angry about it? Or am I the only jerk who can't process this properly. I feel like I am failing my course in grief, failing myself, and failing the people around me.

     So there you go. There is the ugly truth.

 

Success!

I did it! I made the sheet music wreath and took it to my aunt. She didn't immediately hang it, but she did seem very pleased when she saw it and verified it was for her. Thanks, internet, for keeping me honest. We're a great team. Now I have a request for a bunch of small ones she can use to decorate her tree. I'll try my hand at it and we'll see what happens.

I didn't get a picture because I forgot to take my camera... again. Yay me! So what are you doing today? Did you go shopping?

Borrowed from Stones

Suck: You can't always get what you want.

Rock: If you try sometimes, well, you just might find, you get what you need.

I Am Ever So Thankful

Many times I have started writing the post about my grandparents. It goes to the drafts folder every time. There is nothing I can write to do justice to the legacy of love they have bestowed upon our family.

My grandmother taught me how to hide candy, shell peas, husk corn, plant beans, pick berries, and love people with all your heart even in the moments you are sick of them. She used to let me comb her hair, fake-shave my legs with lotion and a metal nail file, and play Johnny Cash until she was probably desperately tired of him. She spent hours looking for four leafed clovers in the soft patch of grass between the house and the grapevine.

She walked downtown with me to the IGA when it was still there for years. I remember my shock when I asked her to go with me one day and she declared herself too old. She sat on the swing down under the pine trees in evenings as the heat faded and I remember singing with her, and her singing to me. One song I especially remember is about telling Aunt Fanny the old gray goose is dead. Tomorrow I will embrace her while somehow trying to squeeze all of those moments into one good hug.

My grandfather let me paint the basement with him when I was five years old. I have always loved to paint, probably because he is the one who taught me. I don't remember him teaching me anything, I just remember sploshing paint on uneven stone walls with an over-saturated brush. It is a feeling I will never forget. He presented me with a Mickey Mouse watch after the job was done, and I felt oh so very grown up. If I was at his house I felt safe. He taught me to hide candy under the couch and that your stomach does not know what time it is.

I'm still deciding if his theory, which he still contends to this day, is true: "That's what you looked like when the picture was taken." His other ideas have also been met with some resistance. For example "You don't come out of the bathroom looking AN HOUR better, so you don't need to be in there for an hour" seems to have some flaws in it as far as I'm concerned. I think my sense of humor comes mostly from him.

These are just two of the people I am ever so thankful for this Thanksgiving. I was going to write about a bigger handful, but believe me, these two are a handful all on their own!

My Ignorance Knows No Bounds/boundries/boundaries

Suck: I think I was spelling it 'boundries' all my life.

Rock: Spell check recognizes boundaries!

Thanksgiving hostess gift: A Sheet Music Wreath

I am going to try my hand at a sheet music wreath like I have seen from Michelle at Primp. The first one I ever saw was from Miss Mustard Seed, but the tutorial I found was from Primp. Michelle's  finished product is terrific and her tutorial makes it look like something I can do.

I am going to make this  for my aunt, who has been having everyone for Thanksgiving for several years now.  I'm pretty sure she does not read my blog, so it will be a surprise. I think this would suit my aunt's decorating style. I can imagine this displayed on or around her beloved piano. 

I seem to do better at things when I have released my intentions out into the world. This way I can't hold it all inside and be the only one to know I didn't do what I thought about doing. If I had done all the things I told myself I was going to do the world would be a much different place! Do other behave this way?  Thank you, internet, for anonymously holding me accountable.

*the photo above is taken from Michelle at Primp

 

My Review of Free-Arm Sewing Machine with 26 Stitches

Originally submitted at CSN Stores

Features:

• 26 built-in stitches, each with multiple stitch funtions
• Free-arm / flat-bed convertible sewing surface
• Twin needle for decorative stitching
• Lightweight and easy to use
• Built-in 4-step buttonho...

Free-Arm Sewing Machine with 26 Stitches

A total novice finds happiness

By tammigirl from Sharon Center, OH on 11/7/2010

 

5out of 5

Pros: Easy To Use

Best Uses: Home, Sewing Projects

Describe Yourself: Novice

Was this a gift?: No

I took this out of the box and all I needed was thread. The instructions for some things are very easy to follow, and for other things you may need to figure out what they mean. I do not know my way around a sewing machine, and I got myself going.

One thing I had difficulty with was the bobbin. It was threaded, but had no tension. It wasn't grabbing what it needed to grab under the little plastic guide. I had a sewing teacher come and take a look. She played with the machine for quite a while after solving the bobbin issue and proclaimed it to be a really nice machine.

I am thrilled with the wealth of options provided with this machine. It included several different feet - even one for doing a rolled edge. I am sure this will suit all my sewing needs for a long time.

(legalese)

Short on Time Truffles

As the title suggests, I was short on time one day. I decided to make Oreo truffles since I didn't have time to bake a cake and let it cool. These are so simple to make:

1. Get a bag of Oreos. Or, if you buy the big family boxes at Sam's get three sleeves of Oreos.

2. Get a package of Cream Cheese.

3. Put Oreos in food processor until they are all crumbled up.

4. Add cream cheese to food processor and let it go until everything is a big blob.

5. Put all of this in plastic wrap or a bowl or whatever else will hold it and put it in the freezer for an hour or less. (You could also put it in the fridge for longer than an hour.)

6. Take it out and roll it into balls. I recommend about a tablespoon each. Or less. I used a coffee scoop this time and I felt like they were too big. As far as I am concerned one to three small bites is perfect. Do them whatever size makes your mouth happy.

7. Dip them in chocolate. Or make them into little cupcakes. We've done both. They are splendid no matter what. If you like Oreos, I think you will love these Oreo Truffles.