My Voyage of Self-Discovery, Part 1

I think I need a ranch style house. This way I don't have to go up/down the stairs half a dozen times because I can not remember what I went up/down to get.

Also, I'm turning into my mother. Only not the part where everyone loves me or I can bake a killer pie. One of my daughters already cringes when we say the same exact thing at the same exact time. And let's face it, we all know what that means.

At dinner a week ago that same daughter lamented (with my other children) for a good ten minutes, with demonstrations from a dissected paper from a straw, about how I cursed them with short legs and looong torsos. This is why we take them to steakhouses. To hear about their bad luck in the gene pool.

I am apparently to old to operate my oh-so-cool new devices. This was evidenced this weekend when I thought I ended my call. Instead I left a somewhat long, fairly raunchy voice mail for my my cousin-in-law.

If you can think of other ways I can prove your superiority, just leave them in the comments and I'll be sure to give them consideration. I can not promise I will remember to do anything about it. Especially if it involves going up or down stairs.

The iPhone, The Finger, and Notes Passed In High School

Let me start by saying: Mom, please do not read this. You'll totally freak out. And you'll hurt your knees. Because you'll be on your knees praying for not only Zach's soul, but the soul of some girl at his high school who remains nameless. (Only because I don't know who it is) I was going to start a new blog and get a whole new internet identity so you would not be subjected to the temptation to go on after I begged you not to read this. But that is a lot of effort. So stop. Just stop.

So, anyway. For the rest of you. Here is the last 30 minutes of my life:

Call my cousin who is like a sister to me. Especially since neither of us had a sister. Leave a message for her asking which day she is mainly spending with the extended family because I want to be sure and do the same, to have some method of escape. And also so I can see her totally adorable girls, with whom I have formed an extreme mutual admiration society.

Since she didn't answer her phone I supposed she was in the car, or someplace like Macaroni Grill where she couldn't hear it ring. Or else she was shopping, in which case she would just let it ring. So I called her husband. He would be bored if they were shopping and gratefully answer his phone. Or so I thought. His phone rolled over to voice mail and all I could think (and comment to my husband) was "Hey, maybe they managed to get to have sex" because that is the only reason I could think of why two married people would both not answer their phones at the same time.

We lamented our own inability to have sex whenever we wanted because our house is full of 16-23 year olds ALL THE TIME. And I remember the note my son begged me to read left on his dresser the other day. I decided this was as good a time as any to share what I had read. Now, don't get mad at me - I did not write this note. I was merely an innocent reader. (Mother, if you're still reading I am really, really, reeeeaaaally sorry, but I warned you).

So the highlight of the note was that this girl said if my son died she would "Totally finger myself to death" basically so she could go marching right into death with him. There were a few mentions about how horny she is. Now, I asked my son, poor innocent thing that he is, who wrote this note. I knew it was not the handwriting of his long-time girlfriend, and also not her writing style, as far as I know. I've happened across a couple of her notes to him and there were pretty much puppies and unicorns and rainbows. He tells me this is a very old note, like from freshman year. I am not impressed. He throws a name at me, which he probably got from whatever was on television at the time, and I gave him the skeptical stink eye.

This is where I take a moment to say that I'm sure the contents of this note shocked my poor teenage son as much as they shocked the rest of us. It is not - I repeat, it is NOT his fault this deranged girl wrote such things to him. More importantly, we normally do not have conversations of this type in this house. But just like the way your young children will find the worst possible time, situation, and context to say a certain thing, today happened.

Oh, but if only that was the end of the story.

I decided to try once again to call my cousin-sister person. Which is when I realized that pushing the little round button at the bottom of my iPhone did not end the call with her husband and I had left him a rather long message. With the help of my husband and son. About... guess what? So then I did end the call and my husband and I decided this was most embarrassing. We wondered if the recipient would be playing this message to my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, out of town relatives and their relatives - who will all be at the family gathering I was calling about in the first place.

Then the phone rang. And we knew who it was because we are psychic like that. I can guess with pretty much 100% accuracy who will call me after I leave a several-minutes-long raunchy message on their phone. Pretty much anyone, that's who!

Anyway, I need to get ready so we can go. We are planning on rewarding my son with a new phone because, hey, the kid is pretty much an angel except for when he's not and he's got stellar grades. Also, he's an angel.

And now I can not look my mother in the eye for at least a month.

More pics of CuppyPops

What Rhymes With iPhone? Steak on a Stone!

Suck: The light in my old phone was refusing to turn off so my battery was dead as often as charged.

Rock: My husband got me an iPhone! It's shiny and pretty and fun!

Here is a picture of the big steak he ate after buying me the phone:


It is aptly named: The Everest.

I Got An Award!

Today I was given my first award from Annette at Fairy Blog Mother. She's a wise, guy, see, but she's a pretty cool wise guy. We made fast friends. At one point I was afraid the love affair was over. We came *this* close to coming to virtual blows over which one of us was going to win a super-fancy GelPro mat. In the end I didn't win and she better not have I think she didn't either. So we're still friends. That's why she gave me this award. Either that, or she only knows seven other people. Either way I'm glad to have it and if I saw her in person I'd give her a great big noogie hug. And maybe some of my good chocolate. As long as she smelled pretty good I would probably let her pet my puppy. Or make a call on my shiny new iPhone. And I would probably program her number into it, too. WITH a picture of her. (see how I snuck that reference to my shiny new iPhone?) She's the bees knees, and I told her so just today.

The Let's be Friends Awards stands for this:

These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers.

I have instructions to deliver this award to eight other bloggers. It's going to be difficult to choose because there are a whole bunch of friendly, interesting, intelligent, fun people out there. The eight of you have to pass it on or your eyeballs will fall out, so don't mess around, okay?

Here goes a list. If I left you off it's not because I don't adore you, it's because... I don't know why I would do such a thing. You should totally confront me about it. But please don't, because it was very difficult to decide. I admit there may be someone on the list who isn't exactly my friend yet. But if she knew me she would be. Plus I just really dig her blog and have read ALL of it.

Erin at It's your movie, you can sing if you want to

Carolyn at Carolyn in Carolina

Jessica at I Like

Betsy at Java Cupcake

Shel at AuntieThesis

Amanda at Kickyboots

Stimey at Stimeyland

Nicole at Nicole's Nickles

And The Day Starts With A Bang

Suck: Daughter has a bump on the way to school. (With the car)

Bonus: It is tax day.

Rock: Police officer was great and it turns out we're (probably distant) relatives.

I hope this day ends with a whimper.

A Good Haircut Makes All The Difference

Sadly, little pup didn't get one of those this time. He got something inspired interesting. As promised several days ago, here is the crazy 'hairstyle' my daughter gave the dog. Yes, she is old enough to know better. This was the day she did it. It's looking normal now. What a hoot!




For good measure here is a picture of him sleeping peacefully:

How To Eat A Cupcake Pop, As demonstrated by Haley

First you have to carefully devise a plan.Then you make your attack.
Round and round you go.
Now you're getting the hang of this.
You have conquered the cake pop! You are victorious!
It doesn't hurt to have the most beautiful blue eyes, pink lips, and all around prefect cuteness. Add the sweeter-than-a-cakepop personality, and you will soon rule the world.

*photos taken by MVOM (My Very Own Mother)

Easter, Take Two

Another picture of more Easter cupcake creations.

Weekend Update or: I Am So Talented You Are Sure To Be Jealous

This week I managed to cut my finger while opening one of these for my doggie. My daughter also has the uncanny ability to hurt herself in unusual ways. When I told her what I had done she gave me a high five.

Spin The Wheel, Take Your Chances

Suck: Things are not as expected.

Rock: Sometimes they are better!

8 Things

8 Things I am looking forward to:
1. Easter with extended family.
2. Having grandchildren one day. (not too soon)
3. Our family vacations, probably to Hilton Head.
4. Birthdays and Anniversaries and other events.
5. Seeing my kids graduate college.
6. A new house - someday.
7. Getting my hair done.
8. A lifetime of being the luckiest girl in the world.

8 Things I did yesterday:
1. Picked up prescriptions.
2. Picked up kids.
3. Picked up the living room.
4. Picked up the puppy. (See a theme here?)
5. Picked up groceries on the way home.
6. Picked up towels from the floor.
7. Picked out a new floor lamp.
8. Picked up a few new twitter friends.
(I totally resisted the urge to say I picked my nose or picked out a wedgie! I'm so grown up!)

8 Things I wish I could do:
1. Make more people happy on a daily basis.
2. Spread more goodwill in the world, also on a daily basis.
3. Write books. Because I have more than one book in me, and that is just non-fiction.
4. Choose who my children will marry and see everyone happy. (Well, why not?)
5. Help people to have more faith.
6. Make people laugh more.
7. Start a profound movement.
8. Be bold and unafraid to try things I am afraid to do.

8 Shows I watch:
1. The Tudors
2. Days of Our Lives
3. Gilmore Girls
4. ER
5. Grey's Anatomy
6. Big Brother, when it's in season
7. United States of Tara
8. Honestly, mostly old BBC boxed sets of cds

I totally grabbed this from Just Our Thoughts but it's okay. She told me to do it.

If you read this, you are officially tagged!! Take it and have fun!

April Snow Showers

Suck: Snowy spring break.

Rock: Sitting with the cool kids.

Easter. Take One

A tray of baby cupcakes.
Cakepops were easier than I had imagined. We had fun today.
Some of the pops wrapped. Allison said I should sell them.
We just tried a lot of different ideas today to see which ones we liked.
pTo give you an idea of scale: This cupcake has an M&M on top and is sitting in a Princess House Crystal coaster.


Today we made baby cakes with strawberry cake and cream cheese frosting. It's a good thing we used the cream cheese frosting. They are sweet enough without adding butter cream frosting to the mix.

Some of them look more like something Alice would have seen in Wonderland, and some of them are plain old adorable. We have more ideas now about what to do (and what not to do) for when we make the next ones. Next up will probably be red velvet.

To make the cupcake pops we just poked a hole with a toothpick in the bottom of the cupcake and then dipped a lollipop stick in the same flavor chocolate as the bottom and pushed it in. Gently. If you are forceful you will break through the top.

Children are Wise

Suck: Fire and brimstone.

Rock: Jesus loves me!

Running From Scissors

Suck: Bad haircuts are cruel.

Rock: Unless you are a dog.

Why I Failed To Post on April 1

I did not post on April 1st because I did not want you to think I was foolin' about the super-serious stuff I say on this blog. Do not worry, I will not tell you why I fail to post every day I am too lazy to bother choose not to do it.

I took pictures of the crazy 'hair style' my daughter gave the poor dog. I made sure his face isn't in the pictures because he was embarrassed. But of course I need some sort of adapter for this computer to use my SDPro card. So I can't share the picture with you right now like I planned. Okay, I could, but it would require actual effort on my part. Not happening right now. *sigh* (which is a thousand silent screams)

At the Airport

Suck: When someone you love is going away.

Rock: When they come back home!

Please Stop!

Someone keeps hacking my blogs and adding lots of typos. It is really annoying. Please stop.

And don't you dare suggest it is me making mistakes. Don't. You. Dare.

Congratulations, Yo-Plus Winners!

Winners of Yoplait gift bags are:

Whatmegmakes
Cutepea
Annette

Congrats!

Sending me your address on twitter via DM is the best for me right now, as I have email issues. Hopefully they will be resolved soon. Send via email if you must.