Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Ten Foods You Should Never Eat

Here it is, the list you have been waiting for all your life. My list of foods you should never eat.

In no particular order, except they are in the order I thought of them today:

  1. Sugar Free Popsicles. Instructions: Avoid these at all costs. Also avoid anyone who tries to get you to eat these. Once you eat one, you are now a SugarFree Cracksickle addict. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'm warning you. 
  2. Starburst Jellybeans. See instructions for #1. It's the same deal.
  3. Asparagus. Because, really? No.
  4. Eels (especially of the baby eel variety) Instructions: Beware the omelet.People will put these things in your perfectly good eggs!
  5. Anything which was once in your nose. Please. Instructions: Even at traffic lights, you will find no delicacies in your nose. Trust me on this one.
  6. Your own body parts. Instructions: Leave the skin on your lips, the nails on your fingers, etc. These are not tasty snack foods.
  7. Anything your dog licked. Yes your dog is wonderful. Yes your dog is huggy. Yes your dog is super smart and loving. Instructions: If the dog licks it, it is now entirely belonging to the dog. Get your own.
  8.  Caramel apples without nuts. Instructions: All caramel apples should have nuts. Unless you are allergic to nuts. I'm not a monster.
  9. Warm Mayonnaise. Instructions: Throw it away. Warm mayo will make you hate life. Danger Will Smith!
  10. Brie fondue. Because there is not enough in the world. All your brie fondue are belong to ME! 


  1. LOL, straight to facebook! --Ericka

  2. I'm totally adding mushroom to this list (also known as fungus, toadstool and mold).